When my father passed away

When my father passed away experiences

When my father passed away : I had been really close to my dad until his death, when my father passed away, he was old and sick, he was almost 83 years old, every day his health was deteriorating, he had been suffering from Parkinson’s disease for two years, and lately his kidneys had begun to fail, the doctors told me that dialysis was not an option for him, because of his advanced age.

Over the last few days my father was suffering, he would experience a few lucid moments, and other times he was not, he was getting worse, he could no longer eat, he was not hungry, then he was no longer able to speak, but just before he stopped speaking all together, in a moment of lucidity, he told me “remember, go slowly when you drive, and make sure you keep the safety distance”, my father had never been a man of many words, because his personality was very introverted and quiet, he was a simple man of few words, however, strangely, in that moment he seemed to me to be serene and free from pain, as he otherwise usually was, I answered, “I know dad, it’s cold outside!”, as I was warming up my hands, it was winter; my father took my hands, he was trying to rub my hands to warm them up and then he took them into his own hands, I became so emotional, because it reminded me of when I was a little girl, and my father would often do the very same thing, to help me, naturally when I was an adult my father no longer did this for me, however, on that day, after so many years, as he took my hands, I felt as if I had gone right back in time, to when I was a little girl.

I had to gather all my strength and courage not to cry, I did not want my father to see my tears, I knew he did not have much time left, although I did not know when he was going to die, and I did not want my father to know that his time was approaching, I did not want him to suffer unnecessarily.

Then, in the evening, when I went back to my father, my brother was there too, and told me that in that morning my father had lost all control, he would get agitated for no reason, the doctors had given him some morphine to calm him down; after that, I was once again alone with him by his bed, he was still asleep from the morphine, I could hear this rapid and shallow breathing, he was wheezing, I felt so worried, because I did not know if I was supposed to assist right up to the end, I was not prepared to witness his death up close and personal, and yet I just had to stay there and watch t him as he was sleeping.

To break the boredom, since I had been there many hours, I would write little messages on my cellphone and every now and then I would look up at my father, then suddenly, one time I felt like getting up, I don’t know why, I guess I needed to stretch my legs, I had to leave his room and walk a little in the hospital corridor as I kept on looking at my cellphone; when I walked back into the room to check on my father, I immediately saw my father was completely still, his face had become a deep yellow color, I was petrified and shocked, I could feel, or perceive, that he was no longer breathing!, I walked up to him and put my hand on his wide open mouth, to check for breathing, but I could feel no air!

In that moment I cried!, finally I could was able to let go of all my pain in front of my father!, I cried so much, trying to squeeze his hand, then I called the nurse, I don’t know, maybe my father had chosen that specific moment to die, without me there to witness it, I am not sure.

I believe my father has already reunited with my mother and they will be happy together up there in the Sky.

Thank you, and let’s pray

When my father passed away experiences are the words from Paola

When my father passed away experiences

When my father passed away