God is Love discovery with an NDE
God is Love discovery with an NDE experiences
God is Love discovery with an NDE
I would like to specify that my experience of God was conditioned by a profound fear, due to radical religious teachings, which had been imparted to me since I was very young. I grew up into adulthood with a paralyzing fear of God, and of the consequences of death.
In the infinite wisdom of the universe, at the peak of my life and my exciting career as an advertising graphic designer in New York, I was about to die due to a devastating disease that confounded the doctors, and I was not correctly diagnosed until a couple of years after my NDE.
I spent three years in bed in a new city, dying slowly. My story begins here.
Three years went by and my body was slowly and inexorably deteriorating. I was demoralized due to the fact that every movement I made, every action required a supreme effort which caused intense pain and days of complete immobility. I spent the majority of my time in bed, slowly losing contact with my family, my friends, and lastly even my own hope. I could not even consider being able to dedicate myself to my career, which I had loved so much. I was not even able to make little amounts of efforts to be a wife, a mother, or a housewife, let alone an artist! My social life was a pleasure that I vaguely remembered.
Having fallen ill in such a dramatic manner, immediately after my arrival in Hamden, I had not been able to create any friends in the new community, I felt like a bubble of protoplasm in the process of decomposition, alone, and hopeless.
My condition was so unpleasant that my husband was almost afraid of entering my room, never knowing if he would still find me alive in there. The faces of my children betrayed their fear. I would lie in bed, day after day, facing, for the first time in my life, a vilifying loneliness and a devastating loss of identity, since I was not longer able to produce or create anything. I felt completely devoid of value. Even though my family tried to persuade me that my value was not linked to what I did, that I was important to them regardless of my condition, I did not believe them. I felt useless, as if I took up vital space without giving the slightest contribution to the value of life. Even though in my entire existence I had been an optimistic woman, motivated and full of resources, this new challenge represented something far stronger than I had ever been able to deal with.
For almost three years, therefore, I found myself sinking further and further into an abyss of suffering, of fatigue, of isolation and depression, hating myself in the process. I was contemplating suicide and I felt there was nothing left for me worth living. I had convinced myself that my family would be better off if I died. At the same time, my own fear of death was so intense that I would cling on desperately to the miserable existence that had befallen upon me. Even though I was more dead than alive, I was too scared to surrender to death.
And so, this is how I was… sick, depressed, and useless. Where was this God of love that I had read and heard about? In a night of unforgettable loneliness, I closed my eyes while the weight of my tiredness would take away my own conscious. Trying to draw a little breath, I felt that my chest was rising very weakly. As I exhaled, I felt my ribcage sink into a stronger heaviness than I had ever felt. Instinctively, I felt that my life was reaching a junction. For a moment, I felt as if I was hanging over a precipice which extended until the end of the world and life. I felt my life was hanging from a decision, and I thought: “I don’t care about anything else anymore, I don’t want to have to put up with anything else!”
I was too depleted, too tired for anything to have any importance any more. There was nothing left in my life in this world. No matter how great my fear of what had to happen, nothing could be worse than the inferno I was living, day after day.
I let go of every will I had, and my identification with my own personality and individuality, and let’s not talk about my ego. I knew I was dying, I felt at peace with that sensation. There were no more places where my desire to live could survive. I consciously chose to not breathe anymore. Alone, in my bed, in this world, in the darkness. I died.
When I finally renounced my will to live, dissolving my life into death was relatively easy, in a sublime manner, after my long illness and the loss of everything that made my life worth living. My decision to leave this world was hanging in an expanded moment of absolute quiet. Devoid of passions, I observed my spirit leaving my body, while a feeling of alienation was wrapping me up. I felt a strange detachment toward my physical body and the life I had built. I was no longer connected with that miserable suffering mass of flesh. I was not that body, and yet I kept on existing in a new condition of being. The excruciating pain that had been accompanying me every waking moment had finally left. The effort with simply expanding my lungs, trying to breathe some air, had disappeared. The fatigue that had been oppressing my life during the last few years, and slipped away. Depression no longer drained my mind of hope. Images and sounds no longer gave me a headache, leaving me emotionally exhausted. And despite al
l that, I still existed. I felt weightless and calm.
Even though I knew I was no longer inside my body, which laid in the bed, and that the eyes and the brain that had previously recognized as mine, were still in that lifeless object with which I no longer even identified, I was still aware of visions, thoughts, sensations. I calmly observed my new dimension. I slowly looked around, and below me I saw a vast and endless darkness. I was irresistibly attracted to the obscure abyss, as if it was an empty area or a black hole. Gradually, I felt I was sinking into its insides. I thought, without fear or any reaction: “How strange, I had been so afraid of being judged and sent to hell for it, or paradise, which took hold of me, while obscurity filled my mind. My vision became obscure and I started melting into the darkness.
Without offering any resistance, I let go of every remaining fragment of consciousness and personal identity. In the precise moment I felt that the last residue of my identity disappear into nothingness, I was suddenly shaken by a powerful and energetic force unleash behind my back, it was lifting me up, taking me toward the sky. I was barely conscious, I was only aware of a sensation of ascension. I felt I was traveling toward my body with a tremendous force, and despite it, I felt no unpleasant sensations. It looked like I was flying through extremely vast distances, and the higher I flew, the more my head was becoming clear.
I started to gain consciousness of a profound feeling of peace and warmth, permeating my senses. Confused by the fact that the energy that had surrounded me demonstrated a very well defined presence, I tried to see what was happening, and who was carrying me: who, or what was taking such good care of me? I felt at peace, I felt loved by an endless love. I knew I was in the arms of a creature that really cared for me with a perfect love, and transported me from the darkest of voids to a new reality.
Slowly my mind was clearing up, freed from the memories of the past mortal associations, I was finally able to completely open up my being to being spirit and my vision became clear. With the eyes of my soul I could see what was keeping me with so much love, and I discerned a spiritual creature, so wonderful and full of love that I knew I would never ever feel a sense of loss again. I am not able to explain it in any way, all I know is that the spirit was Christ. It was not a case of faith, or perception, or understanding: my recognition of Christ came from my new spiritual perspective. I did not see spirit as I had seen Jesus of Nazareth, pictured in religious images, but my heart’s innate knowing remembered and recognized Christ. The radiant spirit was Christ, the manifestation and the expression of the purest of loves. Given my Christian education, I did not know any other names to use for what I was feeling when I looked at him.
Others could have called him Buddha, or Yahwah, or Great Spirit in the sky, but the name did not matter, the only important thing was the recognition of the absolute love and truth. I felt safe in the gentle yet powerful embrace of his love, sure that everything was going to be all right, just like it should be. Rising even higher, I looked up to observe a great light in the distance. With Christ as my guide, I rapidly approached the light.
The ecstasy filled my soul, as I was looking at that splendor, many times more brilliant than the sun. The light was everywhere and in every thing, the most resplendent I had ever seen, and blinding beyond every description, more than enough to blind or burn someone: and yet, it did not bother me at all.
The light moved upon me and went through me, washing every remote corner of my heart, removing every wound and every fear, and transforming all my being into a chant of joy. I believed that the love I felt emanate from Christ was complete, and yet the light towards which we were raising up to, was the total satisfaction of all my desires, the source of love of everything that exists, the God of truth and unconditional love, the origin of creation.
My comprehension of love had been changed forever. The majesty and glory of that vision created an unprecedented moment, which affected once and for all the direction of my new truth. I was again at home, and I did not want to do anything else other than stay in the light of God. Christ brought me into the light, and now I was next to God. I was saturated with complete knowledge: the light was love, and love was god. Wave after wave of perfect love emanated from the light, and erased every burden I had carried with me, and every thought that impeded me from knowing God. I had been made aware of my purity. With a new clarity, I understood that I had gone through my journey of life like a ghost, wrapped in a shroud of fear, folded over myself for fear of illusions. Now I was like a lover, open to the liquid flow of golden light that filled my shell, until it overflowed.
I understood that there was no limit to that flow as soon as I became enthusiastically aware of the infinite nature of the divine love. There was no place where God did not exist, and I was inside God: I am an inseparable part of the light. In reality, I am, we all are, perfect love as a creation of god. All God’s creatures are part of one unique creation and I am one thing with the creation. God and I, the creator and the creation, we are one thing.
I had spent my entire life in the fear of judgment, and now, next to God, I had been found to be completely recognized and found to be faultless. I knew that in the eyes of God I was perfect. God loves me, because love constitutes the totality of God. God loves without limits. Finally everything had a meaning. God could only love me because all God is, is love. I had reached my real home. I turned toward Christ and said: “How beautiful! I am home. This is where I want to stay. I want to stay here”. And Christ answered “You can stay here for a little while, but then you have to go back”.
Linda’s testimonial, called God is Love discovery with an NDE experiences, continues …
God is Love discovery with an NDE experiences
God is Love discovery with an NDE
www.leparoledegliangeli.com/en The words of the Angels